Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
