So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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