Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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