I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
