I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
