Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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