Who wears a wallet chain?!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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