Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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