The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
