Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
