Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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