It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
