Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
