i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
