Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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