My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
