yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
