Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
false alarm. still invincible.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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