Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
