Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
