its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
