he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I could fuck to npr.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
