I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
farters have to be the big spoon...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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