are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
