I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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