I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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