I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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