The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
