My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
