Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
