i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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