We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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