i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
