dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
