Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
