she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
