even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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