What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My ATM looks so different sober.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
