Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
