remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
