the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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