Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
