Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
