I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
