Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
