I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
