Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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