i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
