I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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