he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
