Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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