just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
