Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
