yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
