somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
